Today it was made clear to me why stereotypes exist. Most specifically, why stereotypes about CU-Boulder exist--and that is because they are true. Let me begin my day for you. This morning I went to a group advisor meeting to finally declare PRE-COMM. I sit down with four other students (most likely freshmen) in awkward silence until one fellow says something brilliant like, "So, uh, do we just sit here?" I couldn't help but reply to such a remark with anything but bitter sarcasm and contempt. "Um--YEAH." And I continued reading. Then the advisor comes in and begins explaining the COMM major to us, how to declare, and so on. The gentleman on my right says that he doesn't really know anything about COMM but he doesn't want to be the Open Option major anymore (yes, he called it a major) because he can't get into the Journalism classes and its bull shit. The advisor is baffled. Before she can collect her thoughts to come up with a response that will make sense to this confused student another guy asks her for a pen. She says, "You don't have a pen? This is a meeting, why don't you have a pen?" And he explains, "I don't have my backpack," as if that is supposed to fill in the missing blanks. So then I look around and realize that NO ONE has a backpack with them. In fact, no one even bothered to change out of sweats. Okay, so I realize it was 8:30 in the AM, but seriously. Who doesn't bring anything with them to a major declaration meeting? How did these people manage to turn in an application to even be admitted into this supposedly world-class institution? I can't believe I am declaring the same major as them--it doesn't say much about me. Actually, I do blame myself, and the rest of the fine Orientation Leadership Team that managed to let fools like this slip through the cracks last summer. (PS--As if I didn't feel stupid enough at this meeting, I found out tonight that my roommate Julie is going to graduate next December. This means that she will graduate from all of college in 2.5 years and start her masters before I even begin my major).
Okay so I got over the meeting. I try to pretend that people like that are the minority here at CU, not the majority. But the rest of the day suggests that this is not the case. In my speech class today we gave our informative speeches. These are to be well-researched, cited speeches, professionally delivered. My topic was about Guide Dogs for the Blind, with a full history and overview of the service it has done in America. I am expecting similarly interesting and intelligent topics, but once again the students of CU followed through with their duty of maintaining our reputation: speech 1- adderall, speech 2- how to get rich, speech 3- how to survive an avalanche when back-country snowboarding, speech 4-how to make homemade beer (with a full demonstration), speech 5- what a girl wants from her man, speech 6- the history of condoms, and speech 7- obesity. Well, I think we pretty much covered it all. The previous 7 topics are an all-inclusive collection of everything the 19-year-old CU student values.
I am very happy to say that I do everything I can to remove myself from this majority, including--oh like--hold down a job and make my own money, go to class every day, carry on conversations that don't include anything about inches of powder at Breck' last weekend, keep up on the Darfur crisis instead of the Jessica and Nick crisis, and maintain a basic knowledge of how to graduate and seek a career.
But this is getting too tangential. If you've made it this far let me apologize for my previous comments. I am off to continue defying the stereotypes that have come to embody CU..... I'm going to study
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
Therapy and more
The last few day have been defined by several notable events. To begin, I woke up on Friday feeling fantastic. It was the first day I have not felt run down and tired before my day even begins. I attribute this renewed energy to my new hypnotherapist. That is correct, I am now seeing a hynotheropist. Well, sort of. Brian is trying to become an accomplished hypnotist and Tyler and I have somehow become his worthy test subjects. Thursday night was our first session and I am proud to say that I am what's called a Deep Trans, while Tyler is only a Medium Trans. We discussed the irony of this, since Tyler is more into the new age material than I am. But really, I don't find it ironic at all since it confirms my suspicion that Tyler is a skeptic. He thinks he believes everything, but I think that he challenges everything, which is why hypnotism doesn't work as well on him.
In one hour of hypnotheropy I received the equivalent of four hours of sleep, and I was able to get my work off my mind for a while, which was the real reward I think. If you have a chance to experience this activity I highly recommend it. I will keep you posted on my therapy.
Second, on my way to the Library I committed an embarrassing crime. I was walking in Norlin Quad behind a girl with fantastic curls and she was talking on the phone. I realized it was my old friend from Sewall, Marisa. So I discreetly approached her and as I came up beside her I cupped my hand around her buttocks and squeezed hard. I then proceeded to turn and have a laugh with her but to my utter horror realized it was not Marisa at all. In fact, it was total, complete stranger. The girl looked at me in shock as I passed out from embarrassment and fell down on the ice, splitting my head open and bleeding all over. Actually, I didn't pass out, but I did want to die. It took a moment for us to realize the grave mistake I had made and to break the awkward tension we both laughed for about 35 seconds, while I apologized profusely and tried to explain. The episode ended with me saying, "I am so sorry and so embarrassed. I hope you don't feel violated--I am going to go now." And I proceeded to RUN to the Library to escape this terrible situation.
Work on Friday was unbelievable. Remind me to never work a) in Higher Education b) With all women c) In an office with suffocating politics or d) In a place that only has a pepsi, not a coke, machine. Work began with the usual: morning news search, a cup of coffee, and complaining to my boss about the Denver Post search engine. It ended with a crying, swearing, yelling, and an office therapy session with me as the doc. I won't get into details, but the take-away message here is this: Don't hire incompetent managers.
Also on Friday I went to German restaurant and received not only the best food but the best service I have had in a very long time. I ordered Jaegerschnitzel with Potato dumpling, mmm mmm. It's called Cafe Berlin and I offer my highest recommendations.
Saturday morning I went to hell, also known as Step Class. Not only was I the only new person there, I was the only idiot that absolutely cannot follow a sequence. We arrived late, which resulting in a front row spot for me. I felt bad the people behind me who might watch me and inevitably be thrown off, because I was doing the wrong step 100% of the time. Also, I was off-center so every time we did anything facing the left side, I was stuck trying to do the steps with my head over my shoulder watching the instructor, which only intensified my awkwardness. If you really want to understand how bad it was, ask Robyn. Actually, she might just laugh, which won't tell you anything except what a fool I am.
So I went home this weekend, partly because I needed to escape my life, and partly because I needed to restore my dignity. Nothing interesting happened today, except that I-gasp-visited the new Wal-Mart Super Center in Longmont, which was a huge mistake. To begin, the complex (yes, it is a complex) is about 2.30 minutes from my house and it took me--from the time I left my house to the time I parked--12 minutes. That is because I had to wait at a light just to turn into the Complex, even though it is outside the edge of town. As soon as I entered I walked back out because I had to make sure I was in the right building, for I thought I was in Sam's Club, or Cosco. They are lying when they call this a supermarket, it is a warehouse. Let me tell you about Super Center: there is no tile on the floor, it is cement, you cannot see the back of the store if you are standing in the front, there are more checkers than I can count, and the express line requires 25 items or less. I felt sick and overwhelmed. I had offered to pick up some drinks for my mother but I was too sore from Step Class to walk to the other end of the complex where the food resides. So I jumped in one of the six express lines and checked out--for good. I can't possibly go back. This is where I will stop talking about Wal-Mart, because I could go on about sustainable development and the impact that places like Wal-Mart, Target and Cosco have on it, but I will let you off the hook.
During my next hypnotherapy session I plan to visualize a world with no Wal-Marts, a world where people spend moderately, and value community over economic gain. Oh wait, I guess I could just study abroad...
In one hour of hypnotheropy I received the equivalent of four hours of sleep, and I was able to get my work off my mind for a while, which was the real reward I think. If you have a chance to experience this activity I highly recommend it. I will keep you posted on my therapy.
Second, on my way to the Library I committed an embarrassing crime. I was walking in Norlin Quad behind a girl with fantastic curls and she was talking on the phone. I realized it was my old friend from Sewall, Marisa. So I discreetly approached her and as I came up beside her I cupped my hand around her buttocks and squeezed hard. I then proceeded to turn and have a laugh with her but to my utter horror realized it was not Marisa at all. In fact, it was total, complete stranger. The girl looked at me in shock as I passed out from embarrassment and fell down on the ice, splitting my head open and bleeding all over. Actually, I didn't pass out, but I did want to die. It took a moment for us to realize the grave mistake I had made and to break the awkward tension we both laughed for about 35 seconds, while I apologized profusely and tried to explain. The episode ended with me saying, "I am so sorry and so embarrassed. I hope you don't feel violated--I am going to go now." And I proceeded to RUN to the Library to escape this terrible situation.
Work on Friday was unbelievable. Remind me to never work a) in Higher Education b) With all women c) In an office with suffocating politics or d) In a place that only has a pepsi, not a coke, machine. Work began with the usual: morning news search, a cup of coffee, and complaining to my boss about the Denver Post search engine. It ended with a crying, swearing, yelling, and an office therapy session with me as the doc. I won't get into details, but the take-away message here is this: Don't hire incompetent managers.
Also on Friday I went to German restaurant and received not only the best food but the best service I have had in a very long time. I ordered Jaegerschnitzel with Potato dumpling, mmm mmm. It's called Cafe Berlin and I offer my highest recommendations.
Saturday morning I went to hell, also known as Step Class. Not only was I the only new person there, I was the only idiot that absolutely cannot follow a sequence. We arrived late, which resulting in a front row spot for me. I felt bad the people behind me who might watch me and inevitably be thrown off, because I was doing the wrong step 100% of the time. Also, I was off-center so every time we did anything facing the left side, I was stuck trying to do the steps with my head over my shoulder watching the instructor, which only intensified my awkwardness. If you really want to understand how bad it was, ask Robyn. Actually, she might just laugh, which won't tell you anything except what a fool I am.
So I went home this weekend, partly because I needed to escape my life, and partly because I needed to restore my dignity. Nothing interesting happened today, except that I-gasp-visited the new Wal-Mart Super Center in Longmont, which was a huge mistake. To begin, the complex (yes, it is a complex) is about 2.30 minutes from my house and it took me--from the time I left my house to the time I parked--12 minutes. That is because I had to wait at a light just to turn into the Complex, even though it is outside the edge of town. As soon as I entered I walked back out because I had to make sure I was in the right building, for I thought I was in Sam's Club, or Cosco. They are lying when they call this a supermarket, it is a warehouse. Let me tell you about Super Center: there is no tile on the floor, it is cement, you cannot see the back of the store if you are standing in the front, there are more checkers than I can count, and the express line requires 25 items or less. I felt sick and overwhelmed. I had offered to pick up some drinks for my mother but I was too sore from Step Class to walk to the other end of the complex where the food resides. So I jumped in one of the six express lines and checked out--for good. I can't possibly go back. This is where I will stop talking about Wal-Mart, because I could go on about sustainable development and the impact that places like Wal-Mart, Target and Cosco have on it, but I will let you off the hook.
During my next hypnotherapy session I plan to visualize a world with no Wal-Marts, a world where people spend moderately, and value community over economic gain. Oh wait, I guess I could just study abroad...
Monday, February 13, 2006
Friday, February 03, 2006
Homefries
Everyone should take consistent, healthy dosages of home. Home gives you the things you can't get at school, but are just as important nonetheless. Like,
-Homemade pizza, all of which you can eat without conserving slices for later in the night, when you know that same pizza will surely satisfy some phenomenal drunken munchie.
-Watching grizzlies fight on the Discovery Channel, and listening to your mother make extraordinarily intelligent and credible comments about it--like "wow, look at how much bigger that one Grizzly is than the other" or--after the bigger grizzly takes a break for an enormous shit, "well I guess that's why they are animals and we are not"
-Sloppy, juicy kisses from your sister who smells like barbecue
-Conversations over why the cat has more idiosyncratic credit than the rest of the family, and after such conversations no one does a thing to change this distorted power structure
-Bewilderment as to why the rum has been hidden by my father, but suspicions that he may have hid it knowing I would be home this weekend, under the very false presumption that I might steal some. (He is wrong, because I will simply find an alternative beverage)
-My father cracking some excellent jokes, especially the one in response to a serious discussion about Sigma Nu being kicked off campus for hazing: "Well if they are Sigma Nu, then I'm sure they knew." (more discussion about the Nu to follow)
Please, sacrifice some time to go home. You will be amazed by how just one night among people not of the raging fast college animals will neutralize you.
In other news, the State of the Union was on Monday. Due to a late class and other ailments such as stomachache, headache, fever, clogged nose, and lack of ability to breath, combined with the highly-prioritized Bachelor episode, I missed the wise words of our Chief. But, in great thanks to one fellow student who--like the rest of the campus community--is highly informed about Politics, I was able to get the low down:
"Oh man! His whole speech was made up of American Buzz Words for the common citizen, like 'freedom' and 'liberty' and 'terrorists' and 'justice' and on and on. You could have played the best drinking game ever! Seriously, if you just took one drink for every buzz word you could have been WASTED!"
And that was it. Nothing could have better illustrated this person's point. Think about the implications of this. From one college student to another we exchange highlights from the State of the Union--one the most significant annual events in politics--in terms of a drinking game. Ah, the life of a college student. Can the rest of the population actually relate? And we wonder why those in the "real world" don't take our fantastic campaign slogans like "Save the Dandelions in Southeastern Boulder" seriously. Which reminds me, Sigma Nu, another community of bright, upstanding fellows had their chapter revoked for hazing. 27 of 29 were suspended. Though I was no supporter of the University placing restrictions on fraternities last year, one has to wonder if they really can't do it on their own. It's like the rebellious child that lashes out the moment they are released to freedom. Did these gentlemen of the Sigma Nu chapter not get the Hazing Is Not Cool memo when we lost a student from this very same act last year? How short is their memory? Actually, it is very short--not only did they forget the regrettable events of last year, they also forgot that their very own chapter was founded in the post-civil war era by men from Virginia Military Academy who were specifically against hazing. What irony. But thankfully they won't need me to remind them. They will have the remainder of their years at CU as ex-Sigma Nu-ers to think on it.
Enough. Nyquill, compliments of Tyler, is kicking in full force. I must retire. Think about this until next time: Who will Travis pick?
-Homemade pizza, all of which you can eat without conserving slices for later in the night, when you know that same pizza will surely satisfy some phenomenal drunken munchie.
-Watching grizzlies fight on the Discovery Channel, and listening to your mother make extraordinarily intelligent and credible comments about it--like "wow, look at how much bigger that one Grizzly is than the other" or--after the bigger grizzly takes a break for an enormous shit, "well I guess that's why they are animals and we are not"
-Sloppy, juicy kisses from your sister who smells like barbecue
-Conversations over why the cat has more idiosyncratic credit than the rest of the family, and after such conversations no one does a thing to change this distorted power structure
-Bewilderment as to why the rum has been hidden by my father, but suspicions that he may have hid it knowing I would be home this weekend, under the very false presumption that I might steal some. (He is wrong, because I will simply find an alternative beverage)
-My father cracking some excellent jokes, especially the one in response to a serious discussion about Sigma Nu being kicked off campus for hazing: "Well if they are Sigma Nu, then I'm sure they knew." (more discussion about the Nu to follow)
Please, sacrifice some time to go home. You will be amazed by how just one night among people not of the raging fast college animals will neutralize you.
In other news, the State of the Union was on Monday. Due to a late class and other ailments such as stomachache, headache, fever, clogged nose, and lack of ability to breath, combined with the highly-prioritized Bachelor episode, I missed the wise words of our Chief. But, in great thanks to one fellow student who--like the rest of the campus community--is highly informed about Politics, I was able to get the low down:
"Oh man! His whole speech was made up of American Buzz Words for the common citizen, like 'freedom' and 'liberty' and 'terrorists' and 'justice' and on and on. You could have played the best drinking game ever! Seriously, if you just took one drink for every buzz word you could have been WASTED!"
And that was it. Nothing could have better illustrated this person's point. Think about the implications of this. From one college student to another we exchange highlights from the State of the Union--one the most significant annual events in politics--in terms of a drinking game. Ah, the life of a college student. Can the rest of the population actually relate? And we wonder why those in the "real world" don't take our fantastic campaign slogans like "Save the Dandelions in Southeastern Boulder" seriously. Which reminds me, Sigma Nu, another community of bright, upstanding fellows had their chapter revoked for hazing. 27 of 29 were suspended. Though I was no supporter of the University placing restrictions on fraternities last year, one has to wonder if they really can't do it on their own. It's like the rebellious child that lashes out the moment they are released to freedom. Did these gentlemen of the Sigma Nu chapter not get the Hazing Is Not Cool memo when we lost a student from this very same act last year? How short is their memory? Actually, it is very short--not only did they forget the regrettable events of last year, they also forgot that their very own chapter was founded in the post-civil war era by men from Virginia Military Academy who were specifically against hazing. What irony. But thankfully they won't need me to remind them. They will have the remainder of their years at CU as ex-Sigma Nu-ers to think on it.
Enough. Nyquill, compliments of Tyler, is kicking in full force. I must retire. Think about this until next time: Who will Travis pick?
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
What I don't understand is why some poeple have this great quality called common sense, and others do not. Like, there has to be some sort of pattern. Today I will explore this topic, and, like my highly advanced QRMS class is teaching me, I will look for a pattern that might lead to some sort of formula.
Okay here are a are some scenarios I know of where people do or do not have common sense. Each scenario will begin with a code that notes wether they have it or not. It will look like this:
CS= Common Sense
NCS= No Common Sense
F= Fool. I needed something to denote the people who are so ridiculous they are unclassifiable into common sense or no common sense.
1. The lady with a thick accent who left me a voicemail this morning at 5:55 am looking for Sophia. After she leaves the message, which is a marvel since my voicemail states quite clearly that this is ANNIE BARR, she calls me again. Naturally, I am awake from the first call so I answer, "Hebbo?" through my congested nose and she STILL doesn't realize this is the seriously wrong number. Finally I have to inform her that she has reached the wrong party, so I politely (ok, that is giving myself too much credit: 5:55 am + wrong number + head cold = NOT POLITE) I very inpolitely say, "look hearb, I thigg you hab' the wrogg nubber!" And a dial tone immediately follows. Actually, a dial tone didn't follow because I was on my cell phone--have you ever noticed how in movies they use a dial tone to indicate the end of a call, even if they are cell phones. News alert: cell phones don't have dial tones. For the lady who mistakedly called Sophia on my phone this morning at 5:55 am: NCS.
2. Brooke getting a job because she releazies that any day now she could be cut off from the Rents, or rather, the Mother. And for getting a job that conveniently lends itself to being hit on, I offer a strong: CS.
3. One of my roomates threw my clean clothes on my bedroom floor, leaving them victim to wrinkles and dirtiness. okay, I realize the severity of my offense of leaving them in the dryer but seriously, could this person not make the extra 4.5 steps to my bed and deposit them there?? Think about it: NCS.
4. Last weekend my parents officially lost it and went to--brace yourself--a motorcycle swap meet. This marks the official beginning of their membership in the world of parents who think they are cool and don't have kids around to remind them what they look like anymore. Really my words cannot explain. Which is why I have posted for your convenience and understanding pictures to illustrate my point.
I have nothing to show for my years of hard work. Really, I tried to make them cool, but they resisted. And now that I am gone this is the backlash. I mean really, my parents spent an entire Saturday at this event and came out with that. Next time you are having a rough day I want you to remember these images, and be thankful that at least your parents aren't tearing apart the front range on a motorcycle wearing a jacket like that. Okay, for my parents' exciting new purchase and complete lack of fashion savy sense: F.
Does anyone see a pattern to the gift of common sense, I don't. Actually, maybe there is one but I can't think about it, right now I need to go into mourning for loss of my parents' sanity...
Okay here are a are some scenarios I know of where people do or do not have common sense. Each scenario will begin with a code that notes wether they have it or not. It will look like this:
CS= Common Sense
NCS= No Common Sense
F= Fool. I needed something to denote the people who are so ridiculous they are unclassifiable into common sense or no common sense.
1. The lady with a thick accent who left me a voicemail this morning at 5:55 am looking for Sophia. After she leaves the message, which is a marvel since my voicemail states quite clearly that this is ANNIE BARR, she calls me again. Naturally, I am awake from the first call so I answer, "Hebbo?" through my congested nose and she STILL doesn't realize this is the seriously wrong number. Finally I have to inform her that she has reached the wrong party, so I politely (ok, that is giving myself too much credit: 5:55 am + wrong number + head cold = NOT POLITE) I very inpolitely say, "look hearb, I thigg you hab' the wrogg nubber!" And a dial tone immediately follows. Actually, a dial tone didn't follow because I was on my cell phone--have you ever noticed how in movies they use a dial tone to indicate the end of a call, even if they are cell phones. News alert: cell phones don't have dial tones. For the lady who mistakedly called Sophia on my phone this morning at 5:55 am: NCS.
2. Brooke getting a job because she releazies that any day now she could be cut off from the Rents, or rather, the Mother. And for getting a job that conveniently lends itself to being hit on, I offer a strong: CS.
3. One of my roomates threw my clean clothes on my bedroom floor, leaving them victim to wrinkles and dirtiness. okay, I realize the severity of my offense of leaving them in the dryer but seriously, could this person not make the extra 4.5 steps to my bed and deposit them there?? Think about it: NCS.
4. Last weekend my parents officially lost it and went to--brace yourself--a motorcycle swap meet. This marks the official beginning of their membership in the world of parents who think they are cool and don't have kids around to remind them what they look like anymore. Really my words cannot explain. Which is why I have posted for your convenience and understanding pictures to illustrate my point.
I have nothing to show for my years of hard work. Really, I tried to make them cool, but they resisted. And now that I am gone this is the backlash. I mean really, my parents spent an entire Saturday at this event and came out with that. Next time you are having a rough day I want you to remember these images, and be thankful that at least your parents aren't tearing apart the front range on a motorcycle wearing a jacket like that. Okay, for my parents' exciting new purchase and complete lack of fashion savy sense: F.
Does anyone see a pattern to the gift of common sense, I don't. Actually, maybe there is one but I can't think about it, right now I need to go into mourning for loss of my parents' sanity...
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