Today I am here to share a story with you that (hopefully) will cause you to strongly consider all your options next time you want to check out a book from the brilliant institution we call the public library. First some background: I come from a family whose mother--among other things-- "believes strongly" in the public library. We spent considerable amounts of time each week in the Longmont library, exploring our respective age-appropriate sections, beginning with the children's bins, then moving to the revered teen section with favorites from RL Stine and friends, and eventually moving up to the extremely intimidating "real" section of adults--novels, research, non-fiction, etc. She was determined to ensure our literary career rested in the hands of the free services provided by the government-instituted public library. Therefore, being the superstar daughter I am, one of my first orders of business upon moving to Boulder almost two years ago was to begin my very own library card with the Boulder Public Library. My first encounter with this establishment should have been my first warning, but was one which I ignorantly missed. The first book I checked out was--well, at this point I can't even remember--because my recollection of the setting, plot, author, and such is overriden by my memory of the foul odor which permeated a surrounding five-foot radius each time it was opened. In fact, I blame this entire story on this one detail. Here's why: This book, which I checked out for a class that I shared with Tia, was so terrible I kindly allowed her to borrow it. And that was the last time I ever saw it. I'm not upset, it was a terrible book, but this is the cause of all my problems. After three months of asking Tia where the books is (and this was admittedly not a very committed pursuit of the book) I retired the hunt and decided next time I go in I would pay for the book. Background: I have had overdue fees at the Longmont Public Library since the beginning of my book-world existence; who doesn't?! When you go in, all you have to do to check out a book is make sure those charges are under $10-- no big deal. This is the Library for goodness sake! It's a free government service.

So, here's the real story. Apparently in Boulder things are done a little differently (is anyone surprised?). On Tuesday I finally sat down to work out my finances for next year and I (gasp) applied with Ol' Sallie Mae for my first ever student loan. First step in applying: credit check. No big deal, I've never had a credit card, I have no credit history. Next step: wait, no next step, my credit check doesn't pass. And here is the reason: "The address you provided in this application does not match up with the address on record with the credit bureau." The huh? Credit bureau? Apart from being slightly irritated that Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion are entitled to their own bureau, I was utterly confused. Without a credit history this industry trio should not have my information in the first place. Wrong. And secondly, if they do have my information there should be nothing bad on my report, as I've never had a payment to miss or even be late on. Wrong again. Upon further investigation, which involved three hours of phone trees, a bike ride across town, and an obnoxious number of phone calls to mom, this is what I found. Almost two years ago when I signed up with the he Boulder Library I gave them my current address, which at the time was my dorm address. Therefore, when I moved out of the dorms I no longer received that mail, some of which included notices that the Boulder Public Library had boldly turned my late fee over to (ohh this is so good, just wait...) a collection agency who, after some time of not tracking me down, turned my information over to the credit bureau, who has now listed on my credit report "One Potentially Negative Item". One potentially negative item?? This isn't potentially negative, it's hugely negative. And it's already destroyed my credit that I don't even have and inadvertently prevented me from enjoying my first loan application experience. This all comes down to one point: The Boulder Public Library is the WORST literary establishment I HAVE EVER had the displeasure of visiting. A collection agency? Seriously, we are talking about a smelly book from 1967 whose binding was already in shreds. And now I have to deal with potentially bad credit for seven years. Not to mention, the set-up of the library is poorly planned, nonsensical, and I can almost guarantee that the planner was not in the right state of mind when piecing this terrible place together. I have more: I was informed by Anne--who is also well-read and an advocate of the library and who HATES Boulder's Library--that in order to place a book on hold one must reserve it online and instead of picking it up at the library like a normal, functional library, it is mailed to you and then the library charges you for the mailing! I won't even comment on how absurd that is.

Here's the rebuttal which I know Tyler would certainly inform me of were he here to read this. I did have a bit of a warning. Yes, I received an extremely ambiguous letter last summer, which was forwarded to me from the residence halls. But one receives junk mail every day. Unique Collections Agency certainly didn't mark their envelope with anything particularly indicative of legitimacy that would prompt me to send them a check. However, that combined with the numerous phone calls from the library, which I cleverly dodge upon recognizing the dreaded number on my phone, left me with a sneaky suspicion that perhaps they were serious about getting that book back. (I still can't figure out why--it just smelled sooooo bad). But the credit bureau--honestly.

Well, all in all, the problem wasn't with my credit history (it's only a potentially negative item after all) but with the mismatch of addresses. You see, I gave Ol' Sallie Mae my permanent address, and the bureau has my dorm address, which was passed to them from the collection agency, which was passed to them the library. As it turns out, the entire process simply required a verification of that old address, which means I technically could have gotten away with NOT paying the fee....but I am a better person than the library so on Tuesday I made my very LAST visit to that place, in order to pay the $45 year old charge. I would encourage all of you to remember this story and ideally I would like you to never ever use their services again, but I suppose that is unreasonable of me to expect. Therefore, find your own silent way to protest the absurdity of their operations. I know I will, and maybe Anne too.